Rags and Mags

Dear, sweet Bernie is the best friend a girl could have. He confronted Mimi M. about my lip procedure, and while he was there, he noticed a photo of her with Fiona from the Mille Femmes party. Always one for detail, he immediately zoned in on the MAC Russian Red lipstick smudged on Fiona’s fingertips draped around Mimi M.’s shoulder.

It was the exact same shade used to vandalize her own photo! She did it to get sympathy since the expose made her look so bad.

Since she exposed me, should I turn around and expose her?

I got a message from a producer! Yay! But I didn’t check messages until the office was closed. Guess I’ll have to wait until Monday to find out when my audition is.

Honest Ed’s is the best place to find the most amazing crap and they’re having a fashion show on Sunday to celebrate 60 years in business. This I’ve gotta see!

My life is over! Yesterday’s paparazzi sold my picture to HELLO! Canada and now my oversized lips are on the cover! That is not how I like to be seen, especially beside a radiant Angelina Jolie.

To make matters worse, Fiona resurfaced just in time to report on my surgical misfortunes on television. Could she have been the one to plant the paparazzi near my home?

I am never leaving my condo again. Does Jamie Kennedy deliver?

What did I do? My lips aren’t pleasantly plump, bee-stung, or pillowy. They are obese and practically bursting from my face. They were okay when I left my condo, but while I was running errands (I had to pick up some fresh flowers!), I kept noticing strange looks. A child in a stroller looked at me and screamed. When I was outside Sassafras, some paparazzi yelled, “Is that Lucinda McRuvy? What’s wrong with her face?”

I ran home and discovered the horrible truth: I have fish lips. Oh, the embarrassment! I’m going to have to hide out… how long will it take for the swelling to subside?

I’m still trying to think about what I should do for She Does the City. They have a lot of great fashion items: Style Scout, Can-Couture, Sew What, Amazing Finds, and my favourite, Rogue Vogue. I wanted to do something like that: post about cool stuff. But I can’t write all that well. I’m definitely leaning towards seeing if they want some of my fashion illustrations or inspiration collages… my design journal is packed with cool stuff that I find. But how to make it fit in with all the great She Does the City stuff?

I visited Mimi M. today and she was feeling fine after Lady Miss Angora’s attack, thank goodness. She had a cosmetic procedure planned to reduce bunny tooth scarring, and since I was responsible for Lady Miss Angora’s behaviour, I took Mimi M. to the clinic. We hopped on my Vespa and…

…a few hours later, we hopped on again, both with improved faces. She talked me into plumper lips.

Why haven’t they called? What are they thinking? My designs are fresh and innovative and I’m so much fun. I’d be a natural on TV.

What if they don’t call and I don’t get in? I’ll have to start on my next collection. Where will I get money? What inspiration should I decide on? Valley of the Dolls? Esther Williams? Kids Camp? Cowboys? A combination of these?

After all those fake cowgirl breasts in Calgary, I spent all weekend considering Mimi M.’s suggestion that I try lip injections. Bernie’s seemed to be supportive, but cautious. I don’t know if he wants me to do it, but maybe because he always wants to be the centre of attention and cannot stand it if I look more fabulous than he does.

My TV show producers encouraged it, but I’m still not sure.