I have a problem, Dear Readers. I am in the middle of the dreaded Fashion Feud.

This is something that has been brewing for some time now, but the boiling point seems near, so I feel compelled to address it. Airing dirty laundry in a public forum is not my suggested way of solving a problem with sophistication, but when the issue involves threats to loved ones, I may step beyond sophisticated restraint and into cultural warfare.

I have dealt with this problem by first avoiding my ex-friend. When we kept running into each other, I surprised her with a copy of The Fabulous Girl’s Guide to Decorum by Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh. She needed the etiquette help, but apparently she didn’t read it. Not only did she continue to follow me in private, but she threatened me in public and harassed employers. It is out of hand and now I’m going on the record to tell her to stop.

I’d like to think I am dealing with her in a dignified manner by not mentioning her name here, so rather than escalating our fight, I’d like to deflect the attention to the most dramatic catwalk catfights.

Lucinda’s List: The Top Fashion Feuds of All Time

1. Cathy Horyn vs. Giorgio Armani – Horyn, the most honest reviewer in the biz, has been banned from more shows than anyone, but the Armani riff has become a fashion fable. Only Horyn could turn a disinvitation into a badge of honour.
2. Sex and the City Stars vs. Each Other – Rampant rumours run wild about who is feuding with whom during the film’s PR and premiere obligations. Who cares who wins this fight? Bring on the fashion!
3. Jeanne Beker vs. Jean-Paul Gaultier – Ms. Beker once criticised M. Gaultier. Ms. Beker was banned from all shows. Now she is welcomed and all is good, but the tiff made for good talk at the time.
4. Robin Kay vs. Anonymous – Anonymous sent an e-mail to all Canadian fashionistas that fizzled in its attempt to dethrone RK as Queen of Canadian Fashion Weeks.
5. Fashion Bloggers vs. Established Journalists – Journalistas complain that bloggers are immature and ill-informed. Bloggers think established journalists are stuffy, but revere us at the same time. Recently, Australian Fashion Week gave front row seats to the world’s best fashion bloggers. Who wins?
6. Karl Lagerfield vs. Yves St Laurent – These former friends’ famous feud rose as their stardom reached its zenith; tragically, each genius failed to appreciate the other.
7. Alexander McQueen vs. the House of Givenchy – When McQueen ditched his Givenchy bosses and signed with Gucci, it was THE Millenial Scandal. Nothing has topped it since.
8. Naomi Campbell vs. Tyra Banks – They may have “reconciled” on Tyra’s talk show, but who has the talk show and who has assault charges?
9. Rachel Zoe vs. Anna Wintour – This hollywood stylist dares to assume her influence is greater than the one and only Wintour? She’ll be frozen out of New York with her It bag between her legs.
10. Suzy Menkes vs. Marc Jacobs – Did Marc Jacobs stick his tongue out at the International Herald Tribune columnist? It seems he did… such ambiguous expressions are bound to be misunderstood.