Sitting in my Toronto condo last week, trying to write this column, I found myself distracted with constant computer pings. At first, I thought it was a series of messages from well-wishers who had seen my lovely Mille Femmes portrait at Luminato, had read – and loved! – my latest column, or heard about my latest television prospects, but when I opened my inbox, I discovered the truth: it was an e-attack.

Every ten minutes, I received a nasty new message.

“So what?” you might say, Dear Reader. “I get spam messages every day and I learned to deal with it. So should you.”

This was different than spam. It was a barrage of offensive notices from someone I knew. Words were bullets. Phrases shot through the computer screen like shrapnel. I was hit. What to do?

First instinct: First e-aid. As I wrote my primary response, vicious words came as fast and furious as though shot out of a machine gun. With my counter-attack written, my mouse finger twitched, ready to hit the trigger.

Something stopped me. Would my battle maneuver be successful? Would it stop my enemy or would the attacks continue? Would my written arsenal be enough to sustain me through a war of the words?

I re-evaluated my first response and decided to monitor the situation and wait to see if my remedy was the right one. While doing that, I thought through the best defenses against disagreeable dispatches.

Lucinda’s List: Top Ten Tips for E-mail Etiquette

1. Save, not Send – Yes, it can wait a few hours while you think it over. Compose a message, go for a massage, then return to review.
2. Do not Drink and Type – It is a mistake to send e-mails when you are angry or upset, especially after imbibing. You will come across as unreasonable.
3. I Before You - Its not about You, its about I. Sentences that start with You sound accusatory and will not inspire your contact to correct herself.
4. Create a Common Enemy – It is not about you vs me, it is about us vs them. A shared nemesis creates a motivatation point
5. Face the Facts, Ma’am - Be as objective as possible when explaining the situation. Use “I” statements.
6. Perfect Pitch - Tone matters. Re-read your e-mail out loud several times or have a trusted friend review it for you.
7. Save that Face - Give your difficult contact the opportunity to correct herself with dignity. Never try to win an argument on the Internet.
8. One for One, Not One for All - Don’t bother everyone by hitting Reply All, please! Take the time to click carefully.
9. How Are You Red? - If you must use colour to highlight points, choose a neutral one such as green. Red reads critical; Green reads helpful.
10. Silence is Golden - Not every email deserves a response. If it is pointless, place it in the waste bin.