Will Fiona’s e-mails never end?

They began after the Mille Femmes party:

Lucinda, you mean,evil, vengeful skank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How dare you deface my Mille Femmes photo!!!!! It was a supposed night to celebrate Toronto’s creative women and then you go and pull this immature bullshit drama. Why can’t you put the past to rest??????? This was verrrrrrrry unsophisticated of you.

Unsophisticated? UNSOPHISTICATED? I may resent her for everything that happened, but I thought I always acted with utmost sophistication. How could I have vandalized Fiona’s photo? I would never do that and don’t know who did. Nobody does. It’s a complete mystery. I could have written my own exposé about her, but I have seen that glimmer of good in her. She wasn’t worth my energy anyway. But now she is draining me of any energy, with all the e-mails. Similar ones followed, but I chose to ignore them.

Then she started blaming me for Mimi M.’s article:

Little Miss Wrinkled Mirror-Obsessed Dirt-Licking Floozy: What did you think you would gain by sicking Mimi M. on me to write that terrible, horrible, mean-spirited, evil article? Does it make you feel good to ruin someone else’s life?

I guess I should have asked her how she felt ruining my life, but I honestly felt it best to keep silent. She was clearly crazy.

Then things got crazier over the weekend. She started playing nice:

Oh, Sugarbee!
Remember when we called everyone that back at Ryerson? Those were the good old days, weren’t they? What ever happened between us??? We were such good friends. BFFs! Can we ever go back to being such good friends? Pack away the jaded fashion journalism crap? And be friends?

These lets-be-friends messages came every 15 minutes over the weekend. I’ve known her so well and for so long that when she starts playing nice, something is up. The most disturbing message was:

Lucinda, Sweetie, you looked so defyingly gorgeous in the last-season Prada dress you wore out last night. The starck minimalism was not my taste, but it looked astonishing on you. It would look wonderful on your new television endeavour, which sounds positively thrilling, darling. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to TV ideas. You should give me a call.

So that’s it. I think she wants in on the television show. I must be doing something right if she wants to be part of it. Now I know I’ve got to do what it takes to make the show a success.