Oh, Dear Reader, sigh with me. The life of a writer is tough.

I must find inspiraton all day long and organize assistants to research, shop, and get things done. It is so demanding to be a writer.

One of the most demanding things is to attend a book launch for another writer when you have yet to host one of your own. As I research and make prepartory notes for my own book while book launch season begins, I am distracted by thoughts of my own flawless book launch. Much like a soon-to-be bride, I envision the event in my mind. Though I have time to decide my perfect plans, I thought you might require some of my requirements for a sophisticated literary launch.

Lucinda’s List: Tips for a Sophisticated Book Soirée

1. Champagne and Cupcakes – Both are quite de rigeur this season and together they make a perfect pair.
2. Pass on the Passé – Everyone reads at book launches, which is so boring. Avoid all readings at a book launch.
3. VIP Guest List – You cannot allow just anyone into your book launch. Your guests must be Very Important. Friends and family will understand if they’re not invited since you must pack your party with Can-Lit heroes such as Peggy Atwood, Leah McLaren, Stuart McLean, Alice Munro, Michael Ondaatje, Bill Richardson, Louisa MacCormack, and Douglas Coupland.
4. VVIP Guest – If your publisher and PR gal insist on having a reading, you have the right to insist on a discussion with an “it” guest. A discussion is preferrable than any reading. Readings are stuffy. If you are a particularly avant-garde author, you could even have a band.
5. Books – What is a book launch without a book? It had better by well-designed, or there is not much point in a book launch. Contrary to popular belief, one must judge a book by its cover.
6. No-Sign Policy – Signing books is draining and oh-so pedestrian. Refuse to do it.
7. Mind Your Manners – Though you will refuse to sign books, do be nice to your fans. They will tell others about your personality and decorum, which, of course, will lead to more sales.
8. Scheme a Theme – Obviously every book launch must celebrate the theme of the book. From venue to hors d’ouerves and signature drink, everything must perfectly reflect the theme.
9. Author Outfit – This must never be overlooked and must always reflect the book’s theme as well.
10. Exclusivity – A writing début should be an exclusive affair. You want to create a demand for your book, so one should never invite friends and family who could damage your literary reputation, no matter how supportive they may have been during your writing period. I would even venture to suggest your launch should be so exclusive that even you should not attend. Invest in Peggy Atwood’s Long Pen.