Every social column pointed a finger at me for not wearing a Canadian designer at Fashion sCares. It is my trademark to wear Canadian, but I was tempted by Dior. Who would not be swayed?

I spent the remainder of my weekend reviewing the Fashion Mafia Commandments, pondering their implications.

5.     Remember the Fashion Weeks and keep them holy. For six days you shall report trends, construction, colour palettes, and VIP attendees. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to your Fashion Gods; you shall not do any work – you, your colleagues, and your assistants shall all have brunch and drink champagne.

This is obvious. I plan my year around Fashion Weeks and celebrate their conclusions in an appropriate manner.

6.     Honour your trend forecasters so that your style may be long in the social pages of international publications.

I dutifully study trend forecasts so I am well prepared for journalistic duties and have a perfectly planned wardrobe. No wonder why I am being courted by the Fashion Mafia.

7.    You shall not wear the same shoes as your best friend if she purchased them first.

I cannot believe this had to be written. It is as though I was born into this elite fashion sisterhood.

8.    You shall be faithful to the world’s best designers, who, of course, are determined by us.

Given the weekend’s Galliano gift, I wonder if they are trying to tell me that my Canadian choices are not so chic after all.

9.    You shall not covet your colleague’s latest outfit; you can always find a better one for yourself.

There has never been a need for me to be jealous of another’s ensemble. I am always the best dressed.

10.    You shall murder if you require a fabulously luxurious fur coat or if you spot a heinous fashion crime such as (but not limited to):

• Muffin top
• White after Labour Day
• Sandals with socks
• Showing bra straps or underpants
• VPL
• Fun fur coats
• White socks outside the gym
• Unfortunately placed cut-outs
• Plumber’s butt
• Designer counterfeits presented as originals
• Over-accessorizing
• Under-accessorizing
• Christmas sweaters
• Leggings
• Cubic zirconias
• Uggs or Crocs
• Matching shoes and purse
• Unmatching shoes and purse
• Clothing sold on The Home Shopping Network.

So this is why I was sent a gold-plated, diamond-encrusted Gucci revolver.

I admit that at times I have indeed wanted to put people in jail for committing fashion crimes, but murder never entered my mind!  Is the Fashion Mafia for real? Is this serious or could it be some sort of joke?