What a weekend. If this is what happens when someone gets kidnapped, I would like to be permanently abducted. After a long, luxurious private plane trip where my elegant captor remained silent, except to introduce herself as Madame Rouge, but treated me to everything: a facial massage, Amazonian Rainforest algae body wrap, hot stone massage, and plenty of champagne. Of course I was slightly wary of becoming too tipsy, should I need to evade my captor, but concluded that I would never want to run from anyone who treated me so well. Finally, we arrived at our destination.

I was locked in a limousine with blacked-out windows so I could not see where we were driving. Rather than worry about the road, I sank back into the smooth, buttery leather seats and lost myself in the light therapy roof. Though I was kidnapped by the Fashion Mafia and did not know what to expect of my captors, I was absolutely at ease when the car stopped and Madame Rouge opened my door.

Stepping out, I almost turned back into the limousine; I expected an elegant palace, but saw a dilapidated farmhouse littered with car skeletons in the front yard.

“Where are we?” I asked Madame Rouge.

“Lucinda,” she responded, “we are at the future home of world fashion domination, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.”

“What is that dreadful smell?”

“We are on a chinchilla farm. Not only does the Fashion Mafia control all the world’s fur production to magnificent success and profit, but chinchilla farms are perfect covers for our operations. Please follow me inside.”

She waved her diamond-encrusted gun, leaving me no choice but to enter the ramshackle excuse for a building. Only taking two steps in, Madame Rouge turned to the coat closet, and performed a series of knocks, which opened the door to reveal a high-tech elevator.

We descended for a few minutes and the doors opened to reveal the design mecca I imagined for the Fashion Mafia. Before I could ask about the decor, Madame Rouge answered my question.

“Yes, this is all the original furniture from Versailles. You did not think we would have allowed the revolutionaries to take it, did you? Our operatives were just as efficient back then as they are today. Now we have a Versailles below Moose Jaw that is equipped with modern technologies, ensuring Versailles will never fall again. Now, Lucinda, we will get you to your room and I will introduce you to Fashion Mafia operations. If you like what you see, you will meet The Godmothers.”

I already liked what I saw, so I spent the weekend learning the facts and the myths behind the Fashion Mafia. Tomorrow I may meet the fabled Godmothers.