I sat in Marie Antoinette’s parlour, nibbling cakes and bonbons duplicated from original recipes, compiling information on Fashion Mafia operations when I heard the click of expensive and tasteful heels on the priceless floor. From the sound, I could discern a pair of Prada pumps, Chanel heels, and Manolo Blahnik sandals. The confident clicks began faintly, but grew stronger until I heard them outside my door. I turned my head, the door swung open, and there they were, the Fashion Mafia Godmothers:

Francesca “Senorita of Skins” Biscotti – The style doyenne, mythologized for her crime family underworld connections and legendary knowledge of leather goods, Francesca is the brains behind the entire Fashion Mafia operation and dressed in perfect Prada.

Eve “La Belle” Etoille – Beneath her classic French beauty lies a cold, hard businesswoman who places profit above people.  She was chic and sexy in Balenciaga.

Tracee “Socialista” Smithers – Tracee is the most photographed woman in the world, the one who owns a custom Blackberry for her contact list of two million BFFs. She networks like nobody else, spreads rumours and quashes them with equal vigour, and is in charge of Fashion Mafia PR.  She was wearing all-American Marc Jacobs.

Mitzuki “Katana” Honda – No one would tell me what her specialty was, and as she carried a long samurai sword I was too intimidated to ask.  She was as silent as a cat in her tabi boots and Comme des Garcons outfit, and she never said a word.

Never have I seen such stylish and powerful women in one room at the same time. I was overwhelmed, but maintained my sophisticated elegance, which is why they want me in the Fashion Mafia. They proposed that I become the organization’s Etiquette Mistress. It seems the world is in a fashion tailspin and they require someone to battle Casual Fridays and velour tracksuits. This job is perfect for me, so I signed the contract. It was not anything sinister at all. Sure, it was a lifetime contract, but why would I not want to live this life of luxury forever?

I do not understand how anyone could be afraid of the Fashion Mafia.